One More Year!

Alhamdulillah..

About one month ago, I finished the sixth semester in engineering life. A super tough journey, I think. And I learned so much new things in this third year. Realizing that I'm not growing as a better person, although I already went 21 this year. 

Yes, I feel ashamed about myself.

I didn't realize my mistakes at that time.

So, what makes me ashamed?

Well, I don't know why, but maybe it's true that humans are never satisfied for what they get because they envy with what the others get. Yeah, include me, because from my viewpoint surely I already gave better effort than several people without any cheating. I get upset. I feel unfairness.

Why injustice won?

Previously, I always succeed to bring my positive thinking about that, because Allah had a best plan. I told anyone about how to face the real world which is very crazy. Injustice everywhere. I know it always happens in human's life. But, dunno, this time I can't bear it enough. I lost my words, I forgot all of them.

Unconciously, I returned to the old me. Selfish and childish.

In fact, what can be guaranteed from scores or GPA in the future? Will the higher one definitely bring you to the successfully life next? No. It depends on many factors.

Foolishly, my brain denied it at first.

Always see the others as comparison. It's stupid, very stupid. Because I should compare myself before and after, not with anyone, just me. Especially my attitude ad maturity.

Repeatedly I was trying to calm myself..

Praying to heal my heart.

Praying to cool my brain.

And praying to be grateful. How arrogant if I am not being thankful to Allah for giving me anything everytime. Really, I made sins again...

Until I was scrolling timeline in Line at the day the Siak scores was coming, someone posted like this.

"For anyone who is upset about the result today, just remember :

And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, "If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor], but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe [Ibrahim 14 : 7]"

Accept anything with my whole-hearted being a hardest thing to do. But, after I saw that post, my heart melted.

Suddenly I remembered. I knew it was my fault. Stop blaming others. If you do something bad, then it will back to you.

In this semester I realize that I'm getting away in worshiping Allah. Oftenly I did my task first before shalat, or even I ever skipped shubuh because I chase out the deadline until 4 a.m. and then got sleep without hearing Adzan and turned off the alarm. I skipped tilawah of the Qur'an so many times until I left from my ODOJ group just because college's tasks. So many mistakes... and I'm still not being grateful, how sinful I am...

So.. I understand one simple thing. You won't get any good things in this world without do something for hereafter first. 

And then I tried to fix myself better in Ramadhan, but again and again, I'm not satisfied with my efforts but of course, Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me chances to meet this Ramadhan with my family. Hope next year will remains the same. Or maybe, it could be with a baby in my house? Haha. Thanks to Allah for everything, finally my brother will get married in the end of July. One of the memorable moment for him and also his wife. All the best for you, guys. Well, I feel so happy and so sad at the same time, my big bro. I'm happy, because you already found your soulmate after 26 years of your life. And I'm also sad because we can't do anything crazy like before. You have your own life. And so do I...

I realize that in a short time I'll be like you. So many responsibilites for being a mother. Being a wife. Being someone inspirable just like my wishes. Chase so many targets but if I act just like child again before, I know I can't. It's so funny that I'm hoping someone to be a good imam as my husband but I'm nothing. How hard to change being a good person. But I'm trying...

Wherever you are my future husband, I hope you'll always worship Allah and be kind to anyone out there. I always pray for you and also for us. I don't know who you are right now, but I'm sure we'll meet in the middle of Allah's blessing one day.

This time, I'm doing an internship in Telkomsel Smart Office until August and hope it will give a bunch of new experiences and abilities. Include how to be pepes in the train and stay strong everyday hahaha. Yeah, one more year. Bismillah, I'll do my best to graduate from this lovely major, Computer Engineering at 2018. Real life is coming. I believe Allah will always be with us who worship Him.

Last but not least, I'd like to congratulate my bestfriend, Yunita Halim, who already passed her Thesis Defense in this morning today. Huaaa really love youuu my future doctor!!! I'm so sorry that I can't come and support you. You're so strong Yun. After so many obstacles and challenges in that major. I know it's the hardest one. Please don't cry again. Because I'm sure you will be the best doctor and I'm so proud to have you. Don't worry about your future. You will get the best way from Him. Keep studying, keep trying, and keep praying!

Hope we will meet again with Sinta of course, I reaalllly miss the moment with both of you. Congratulation for you too Sinta, who passed this semester with a great result, and also accepted to be a beta reader! Love love love ❤❤❤

See you readers~ next post InsyaAllah will be about my brother's wedding at July 29th 2017.

I beg you to pray for that important event and hope their family will be sakinah, mawaddah, and warrahmah. Thank you very much! ❤