20! Are You Ready for Being an Adult?

Hello, blog. It's been a long time since I wrote for you, and already so many stories that I couldn't tell about all of them.

2016. Just realize that I'm 20 years old now, officially saying goodbye to the teenager title. Why? Because there's no "teen" word in twenty, haha. 19 years old is the last time we were being a teenager, right?

Yeah, time flies so fast. It's hard to believe that I'm in my way entering third year in computer engineering, means 2 years left InsyaAllah. And so, this college life teaches me so much life values. It's not just about GPA or being confuse when you take care of a big event or organization. It's about how you prepare yourself for the future. Yes, welcome to the highest point, being an adult. A point that you can't take it easy, you have to find the truth for your life guidance, you have to take care of your parents, you have to do anything wisely by yourself anywhere and anytime, you have to tackle and solve your problems, you have to be responsible for your commitment, you have to understand people's feeling, you have to keep your heart just for the one who will love you forever, yes you have to be a superman.

So many things... and people just say, let it flow. Because it grows up together by your age. Seriously? No. Start it right now. There's no big change without an early start. The problem is, words can be written easily but action can't be done like that. Yeah, so do I. I almost give up.

Seems hard to learn engineering, also hard to learn people, with this condition - only 5 girls around 45 boys in my major, batch 2014. It's not easy to be in that environment. Moreover, this major is just like "a second choice" for all of us, the girls. No one really wanted to enter computer engineering when we chose the next field of study after high school. When I was a child, I wanted to be a doctor - it changed to veterinarian - changed again to writer - and dunno what I thought before, until I put a choice for become an engineer. Honestly, I was gambling. Because I didn't know what major should I chose. I just be best friend with laptop, games, and internet. And just be worst friend with biology and chemistry. Okay. Computer engineering is me. That was so funny.

In the first year at college, I thought I was wrong to choose a major. "I'm not like the others. I can't do anything. I don't have any special ability. I don't pass the exams", I said. I got 26. I got 43. 44. 45. 50. And so on. I was upset. But then I do know, grade isn't everything. Something new, starts from falling. It also happens in organization. Maybe we often meet unreliable people, and there's no one can help us. Feels like people around me are so annoying. Being sad, angry, upset, crying, they're surrounding myself. Sometimes I feel I'm not strong enough to face the future in this place. In my lowest point, I ever felt that I didn't need to live this life again.

That was a really fool thought. Look behind. Outside there, many people want my major. Want my position. Want my luckiness. Want be like me. Want what I have. Please, Nin. This is only a college life. How about next? Work? Marriage? College just a small thing beside those two. How fool you are if you give up.

Then, I was conscious. I remembered the first time I really wanted to be in this place. I remembered the time I saw my name accepted as a student in University of Indonesia. I remembered how I was crying cause didn't believe what I had achieved. Yeah, the power of pray. I always pray to Allah for give me the best way later. I already told a story in this blog titled by "lucid dream, I made it real". I dreamed about choosing this major. Yeah, probably that dream was a gift from Allah to me, so, I was ensuring myself to follow that. Well, I have to keep spirit and rise up, whatever happens. Then, after four semesters passed, I do really love my life. I love my choice. I love my major. There's nothing you can't do with Allah. I'm sure I can do this. I'm sure I can pass next 4 semesters with my lovely friends. And I really be grateful. Just 5 girls isn't a problem, because it makes us always be together, InsyaAllah.

Talking about work? I know it's still hard for me, remind that I need many practices to analyze, to design, to make, to program, to develop, to repair, to solve problems, to handle errors, anything relates to computer systems, hardware, and software. Some of theories were just vanished from my brain, haha. Again, action is a difficult thing. Indeed, we should "force" ourselves to learn from zero. Hope I can reach my target later.

Talking about marriage? This is your very big choice. One of my bestfriend, being hurted by her boyfriend. She loves him so much, but, at the end fight for him is an useless one. She becomes frustate and weak, moving on is the toughest thing to do. Well, I never hear a complicated relationship like this before. For me, it's the worst ever. Just one mistake my bestfriend did - hoping and loving someone so much, who's not her husband yet, even more than love for The Almighty. Why do I say it's a mistake?

Yeah, because don't ever hope everything more than hope in Allah, it will make you lose them all. Maybe it happen to all of us, include me. I'm sure Allah already prepared the best. If we're destined although separated, then we will meet. In the otherwise, if you're so close to someone, already in a relationship for a long time, or engaged, or even prepare your wedding but then it fails, means that both of you aren't destined, so you won't be together.

So, no one can predict the future. Allah keeps it for your happiness, you just have to trust Him.

Love isn't about just 2 hearts. It's about your life partner, in this world and also in His Heaven later. So if you love someone but he doesn't love you anymore, don't force him. Let him or her go. You're too precious to regret. Let's find happiness. Don't worry. Special for my bestfriend, I love you. Everyone can change, include him. But again, don't expect. Give it to Allah. Allah will give it back in shape of him, or someone better. I'm sure. Please, no more tears. Bring your bright smile. You're beautiful.

Okay. A long journey has started.

Bismillah.

I found an old screenshot in my gallery. On that day, I was sad because of something and told it to my brother. He replied just like this.

Keep it in your mind, forever. Happy holidays!
Sorry for my bad grammar~